So, I think I have caught you up quite a bit on the year and the things I have overcome. It truly has been a remarkable year of self-growth. I can tell you, though, this very moment I am in right now would not have meant what it does without me embracing the self-growth of the year. Every tear and painful moment was so worth it. I know you have been following these past few weeks and I left you on a bit of a cliffhanger…but I want to shift gears and talk about something else for a moment…I promise…it’s all leading somewhere so hang tight and let’s jump in.
My dad, man he is a remarkable human being. I cannot think of any area of being father where he has lacked or fallen short, and that is the truth. Sure, he may not have always gotten it right…but any shortcomings he may have had were never noticed or felt. The respect I have for him is unmatched. I have learned so much from him over the years, as he is full of infinite wisdom to nearly every life problem I have had. Even in the hard moments when giving wisdom wasn’t easy, he has always come through. I can remember a few years ago when we were in the process of adopting our kids and things started getting a little uncertain, I went to have coffee with him to get some much-needed wisdom. I was in a low place and feeling confused and I said “daddy, if the Lord doesn’t allow this to happen for me, then I don’t know where I will be at with my relationship with the Lord”. Without missing a beat, he said, “Chris, faith isn’t believing that the Lord will do everything you want, but it’s faith in trusting His will and plan, even if it’s different than what we want”. I am sure I did not quote that as eloquently as he did, but the words still echo in my head today. Through all I have been through… I have kept my faith in the Lord because I am constantly reminded that His plan is perfect, and He can see things we cannot see. I am blessed to have a daddy who can give wisdom in the hard moments.
To me, my dad can do anything. He just knows what to do no matter the situation and I know that he always has my best interest at heart. He ensures that I am taken care of at every turn. He calls and checks in on me, still provides correction when I make mistakes and loves me unconditionally regardless. I am a daddy’s girl through and through. He can make me have the biggest smile but can also shatter my heart in a moment. I never want to do anything that would disappoint him or make him think less of me and the character that I have. I always strive to live up to the woman he and my mother raised me to be. With a dad like mine, I think it’s normal to believe that I wanted to find a man who possessed even a fraction of the qualities that my dad has. But that is one hard feat when you hold your dad in such high regard.
Apart from his successes as a father, he is an outstanding husband. I have always admired my parent’s relationship. Growing up, there was never a lack of affection in the house. They didn’t hide the simple hugs, kisses, or I love you’s. You could always feel the love they shared. He takes care of my mother and makes decisions for the family with her in mind. He does things out of simple love for her even when it may not be high on his “want to-do list”. He understands her and what speaks to her love tank. Is he absolutely the perfect husband, probably not…but in my eyes, he hits the mark pretty close. The most important attribute I got to grow up seeing modeled, was his absolute and steadfast devotion to the Lord. It has been a pure blessing to watch him over the years as his relationship with the Lord has developed. His faith and devotion are unwavering and so admirable to me. It is my motivation to keep pushing forward even in the tough times because he is a living example of what faithfulness to the Lord means and the fruit it produces. I have watched the countless hours he has spent in prayer, reading, studying, counseling, etc. over the years and I just stand in awe of how consistent he has remained. I have never once questioned his heart or his leadership because I get to see the way he lives day in and day out. It is beyond admirable.
I think it was being brought up in this environment that started shaping my way of thinking of what a man is and how a husband should be. My dad sits on the highest pedestal in my eyes. No man I have ever met has come close to even being a fraction of the man that he is. I have always wanted someone like my dad. Maybe not in every aspect, but in just the genuineness of who he is. I wanted a man who just instinctively took care of me, made decisions with me in mind, prayed for me, read the Word with me, and just genuinely was devoted to a relationship with me. But I think I learned early on, though, that no one would ever measure up, so I settled…a lot. I made a lot of compromises in my choices in significant others because someone like my dad was just not out there.
With that, came a lot of let downs and a lot of heartache that created a lot of relationship trauma for me. I started feeling less than worthy of any good man. It impacted my self-worth and my self-esteem. In reflecting back on the prophetic word I received earlier this year, I think it is remarkable how the Lord works and prepares you for the promises that He makes. The woman I have been over the past several years would not have been ready for the full fruition of the word I received this year. The woman with all the traumatic relationship wounds would not have been able to embrace the pure joy found in being with the one the Lord handpicked for you. So, how am I supposed to know when he is the right one? Will the Lord just slap me with a sign that says “hey, here ya go” or will I miss it and say no to the right one out of fear? So many questions have filled my head over the past several months. If you recall from last week, the word I received had a timeline of “by years end” and if you are currently looking at a calendar, you will realize that today is December 15th. Has he brought him yet? How is my faith holding up? I can tell you that I am clinging on to the words of my father from a few years ago…”Chris, faith isn’t believing that the Lord will do everything you want, but it’s faith in trusting His will and plan, even if it’s different than what we want”…luckily, I know I serve a God who is faithful and true to his promises.
He gave the word. He’s a man of His word…..and….I will see you next week!
To my daddy,
Thank you for being the greatest man I have ever known. Thank you for loving me through it all and raising me to be the woman I am today. Thank you for being steadfast, never wavering in your devotion to the Lord or how you led our family. We are blessed beyond measure to have you as the head our home. You are a remarkable man, through and through. I will forever be your little girl and admire the man you are. I will never stop needing your infinite wisdom and love. I have lived a wonderful life because of you and mom. I had the best childhood imaginable and continue to be blessed with the astounding support I get from you. Thank you daddy for creating the best example of what it means to be a Godly husband and man and to set the bar so high for what I deserve. I love you, big.