I am learning to love the sound of my feet walking away from things that weren’t meant for me.Unknown
Do you remember in elementary school doing those activity sheets that were all these dots with numbers and you had to connect them all in the correct order to reveal the picture in the end? Yeah..those were fun. My life has basically been a bunch of dots and most of the time all of those dots have felt like a big blob of nothing. To be honest, I have stopped and started about 3 different blogs after the past month or so. I have struggled with the story I wanted to tell and exactly how I wanted to process what was going on at the time. However, I realized that I was dealing with a battle that had to be dealt with on my own…I am sorry…one day I will share those pieces but now is not the time. So, I apologize for going a little MIA on you and now coming back harboring a few secrets because I know that I am typically very transparent. Just trust me in knowing that the story from January – March is one that is not mine entirely to share and I feel that it would do more damage than good….but one day, I will share. In the meantime, please allow me to share where I am at right now. It is actually a great story this time. So feel free to put your tissue boxes away, I promise this one will not prompt tears as so many you have read before have.
Life is so interesting right now. The world is in a state that is uncharted waters for so many, yet I find myself feeling the best I have felt in YEARS. I don’t say that in any sort of ignorance or being naive to the devastating times the world is experiencing right now…but for me, it has just been different. In early 2015 I started a new chapter in my life and began going to graduate school. If you have been reading my posts for a while now, then you know the turmoil that has occurred in my life since 2015. I quit school and started back more times than I can count. I disqualified myself and told myself I was not fit for such a job as a marriage and family therapist because my own marriage failed. With the never-ending backing from my parents though, I kept going back and working my butt off to finish strong. The road, my friends, was long and tumultuous.
March 7th of 2019 is a day I will never forget. It is forever marked in my life as the day the Lord gave me the blessing of living in this world another day. I spent months learning how to walk again after my car accident and spent so many days doubting that I would ever see a normal life again. March 7th of 2020 had a different feel for me. I spent that day this year walking across the biggest stage of my life celebrating my accomplishments and officially have an M.S. in Marriage and Family Therapy. I did it ya’ll. I GRADUATED. I am not a prideful person but I have never had so much pride in myself as I did on that day. I have been through it, but for once all of my hard work was FINALLY paying off. The fruits of my labor were finally being manifested for me and I am SO PROUD of myself.
It’s okay right? To totally boast about my accomplishments for a moment? Cool…because I did and will probably continue to do so. Anyways, graduating was one phenomenal moment and I was so amazed at the craftiness of the Lord in how the two moments of my accident and my graduation occurred on the same day. He truly has a way with unfolding stories. Since graduation I have been in this unique flow of life. Life has given me a chance to slow down, take a breather, and truly focus on myself. As much as I preach self-care, I actually rarely do anything for myself so it has been refreshing to turn all eyes on myself for a moment and figure this life out. I have been utilizing my time in quarantine for a lot of self-growth. I have been reading, praying, and saturating myself with worship music….watching Netflix, working out, meal prepping. I was talking to a friend the other day and I was feeling weird, just kind of having a day and I said ” I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I just don’t feel like myself”…and then it hit me…I am not the same Lauren I was. I am not even the same Lauren I was a few months ago. I like me now…and dare I say, I love me now.
I am sure you are probably wondering how you just went from reading blog post after blog post about the low valleys to jumping right into all of this positivity… I have to agree with you, I don’t know how things have progressed so quickly either. Well, I guess I do, actually. I recently read a post from one of my favorite therapy pages and it said “I am learning to love the sound of my feet walking away from things that weren’t meant for me”. Man, that spoke to me. I have learned to walk away and be okay with trusting that the Lord has this BIG and BEAUTIFUL plan for me and it may not always look the way I planned, but His plan is perfect and mine is flawed. I am not saying I won’t experience more trials but I am learning that the trials I have experienced are just little dots in a much larger picture that is leading to my destiny. The picture that my eyes have finally been able to begin visualizing is far more beautiful than I could have ever dreamed.
The journey isn’t over, my friends. I am just taking a moment to enjoy the peace that I have spent years chasing. Peace that only comes from finally allowing someone else, my Heavenly Father, to take away some of the control I have held onto for so long. So what in the world am I going to talk to you all about from now on? Oh…just wait…there are more dots to connect and more story to be told. See ya in a few! Love you all.
To those in the valley,
I never thought I would see a day where the lowest valley wouldn’t be my home. I am here to champion you on and help you see that when you look up and see the mountains ahead you, tilt your head a little higher and look to your Father. If you keep your eyes on Him, then I can promise you the mountains no longer look a million feet high. You were not created to walk in defeat, but yet you were created to walk in victory and live a life that is far greater than your imagination can create. Take a second look at all of those dots on the page and I promise He will reveal the most beautiful picture. As always, I am here for you and praying for you.