Hello everyone! I want to start by saying that I appreciate all of your questions and I hope I am able to answer them all clearly. I did not answer all of the questions I received, but just chose a few since a lot of the questions were asking similar things. Please know that this is not easy but I have always promised you that I will be real and raw…so here it goes.
- What is the most memorable lesson you have learned from your parents? Answer: I honestly have the best parents on the planet. For real, if you know them then I know you will agree. My parents have always been my biggest fans and support in all aspects of my life. It is hard to pick one lesson, but if I must, it has to be to always follow the Lord and seek out His plan above your own. My parents live out everything they preach on stage and always make sure that I know that the Lord’s way is the best way. I am always reminded not to make decisions without prayer.
- Since the accident, have your priorities changed, and how has your decision making changed, if any? Answer: I think the biggest change since my accident is my perspective of things. I am more intentional with my time and have done a lot of self-evaluation. I don’t want to waste my time away or devote time to things that don’t matter. I have come to value my friendships more and have become more intentional about nurturing those relationships. I think a lot about “time” and want to make sure I am making the most of the time I am given.
- What responsibility do you wish you did not have? Answer: False responsibility. Man-that is a killer. I stress myself out with always taking on the responsibility of things that are, in fact, not mine to take on. I tend to feel this obligation that I have to have solutions or an answer for everything and I think if I could relieve myself of this then I would feel so much freedom.
- How do you prioritize your time? Answer: I am queen of planning my day. Each Friday I take time to plan my next week out because the list of responsibilities I have is enormous. My day job comes first and I plan out my entire week for that first. My internship is second and I schedule in each counseling session for the week. Finally, I make sure to incorporate time for myself. I go to the gym three days a week and always plan in time for Tyler, friends, family, and sleep. I utilize my time in the car, which is 80% of my day for prayer and time in worship. Tyler and I plan out weekly Bible studies as well.
- How do you choose your friends? Answer: If I am being real, I SUCK at making friends. It’s true. Every friend I have legit chose me. I am socially awkward and tend to have a consistent “rude face” so a lot of people tend to think I am stuck up or always in a bad mood. I do not do well with high maintenance friendships. I know that sounds awful, but I am so busy with work and school that I fail to call and check-in with people and often can go weeks without communication. I need the type of friends that I can just pick up where we left off and are not upset if I do not respond to messages. If you are constantly wondering if I am mad at you or why I have not called you…then it is likely we aren’t friends. I tend to sway more towards those friends who are cool if they don’t hear from me and then all of sudden we have lunch after a month of not seeing each other. Since my accident though, I have honestly tried to be a better friend. Geez…after writing that out…I legit suck. I am sorry.
- How did you choose forgiveness with your ex-husband? Answer: I might be queen of fake it until you make it. While sometimes it feels like a curse, I was gifted with a forgiving nature. Holding resentment and grudges just is not who I am and I do my best to never hold myself hostage to un-forgiveness. It did not happen all at once and I just had to tell myself daily that I forgave him…until I really did. Forgiveness does not make what he did okay, but it frees me from being bound in un-forgiveness and preventing myself from moving forward. I honestly do not even have any ill wishes towards him and hope that he gets everything he has been searching for and I hope it fulfills all that he hoped it would. I hope he thinks that what he did was worth all he had to sacrifice to get it.
- Do you think this time around with Tyler will be different? Answer: That is a lot to answer. Tyler and I had a really complicated relationship prior to my accident. We had a lot of challenges that we had swept under the rug and pretended they weren’t there. My accident and the time apart allowed us to take a hard look at our relationship, understand the issues we had, and evaluate if we were willing to put in the work needed to get our relationship to a healthy place. We work hard at our relationship everyday and I can honestly say we are in a way better place than we were months ago.
- Have you healed from losing your kids and will we learn more about this process? Answer: I do not even know how to answer this. I have healed in the sense that I have made peace with where they are and that I know I made an impact while I had them. However, the pain of losing them just never seems to go away. I can see a photo or video of them and cry instantly and become overwhelmed with emotions. I have had to come to terms with the fact that they are frozen in time in my mind and the photos and videos I have is all I have to remember them by. It is a pain I don’t think will ever go away. I miss them more than I could ever describe and I would give the world just to have another moment with them. Lastly, yes…you will learn a little more about my kids and the journey since losing them.
- How do you feel your career choice plays into the calling God placed on your life at a young age? Answer: I honestly do not think I even understood my calling until the last few years. I always knew where my heart was but I think in the past few years the Lord has really began to reveal direction for my life. My career currently is in mental health and once I finish school it will be in Marriage and Family Therapy…so this will benefit me in a multitude of ways when working with foster children. I truly believe that working with foster children is my calling and I cannot wait to walk that out once school is over and I get settled into a place of my own.
- So…what’s next? Answer: Okay, I admit this is my own question. The future of the blog is still being developed but it will still be about my story and things I have learned a long the way and that I continue to learn. My hope is that it continues to encourage and empower you all.
Thank you so much for reading! Stay tuned 🙂